The Snippiness of Lian Harper
by JudeDeluca
Summary: Roy and Lian finally come to blows over Lian's attitude and Roy's weight.


Disclaimer: Characters owned by Marvel and DC.

Yet again set in LevyRasputin's Earth-618 continuity. I'm gonna try and lay off the weight angle with Roy for a while because I think I've been whoring it a bit.

And I want to make a point that Lian's not really nasty and vicious, but with Roy sometimes it requires tough love. Let's face, we all love him, but the guy's an idiot sometimes.

* * *

**The Snippiness of Lian Harper**

Roy Harper plopped down on the couch and let out a long, well-earned sigh of relief after the tiring day he had to deal with. After finally managing to shower and change into freshly-laundered clothes he didn't want to do anything that would've involved physical movement. He wasn't even bothered by the fact that they seemed a bit snug and shrugged it off to physical exhaustion. Inertia was his companion. (Is that right?) At least, it was for now. He had plans with both his daughter and his girlfriend, Sooraya, in a few hours. But until then… nothing.

"Hey."

Roy turned his gaze to his young daughter, Lian, who sat down on the couch next to him.

"Hey."

They were a family of few words. NOT.

"So… watcha doing?" Lian asked her father.

"Absolutely nothing." He replied.

"You have a hard day?" She asked sympathetically as she cuddled up closer to her dad. (And get your heads out of the gutters for those of you think 'cuddle' means anything else in this moment)

"Long, actually." Roy told her.

"Tired?" Lian asked again.

"Yep."

"Just wanna relax?"

"Uh-huh."

"That's cool." Lian agreed. "So, can I feel it?" She questioned.

"Feel what?" Roy wondered with a raised eyebrow at where his daughter was going with this.

"The baby, of course!" Lian rolled her eyes at her dad's obliviousness. "I wanna see if I can hear it's heartbeat." She patted her father's small gut and then leaned her ear towards it.

"…" Roy was rather, um exasperated with the amount of jokes his daughter could make towards the small bit of weight he gained after being hospitalized.

"I think I felt it kick! Or did you just fart?" Lian asked.

"Lian…" Roy coldly stared at her with fatigue and annoyance in his gaze.

"You think it's gonna be a boy or a girl, daddy?" Lian asked, raising her head up to directly look at him.

"Man, why you gotta be like that, princess? Here I am trying to relax and here you are bumming me out. You're cold Lian." Roy moaned. Lian was taken a bit aback but her character being described as "cold".

"Well, daddy, I just worry about you. Me being snarky and harsh is my way of saying I care." Lian attempted to explain, and at the same time justify, her sense of humor.

"Saying I'm pregnant means you care about me?" Roy asked. "So I guess on my birthday I'll wake up to a gun to my head." He sarcastically quipped.

"Daddy-!" Lian playfully slugged her dad's arm. "It's not my fault, but you don't seem to be doing anything about your waistline."

Roy couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Not doing anything? I worked out for four hours straight today, as I have four days every week for the last two months! I've been bench pressing 260, which is 30 pounds more than I used to. Here, feel this."

Roy rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and flexed his right arm to show off the powerful muscles he'd developed in it. They were a bit bigger than before.

"I'm more worried about feeling all this." Lian's gaze was still aimed at Roy's center, and grabbed at a bit of stomach. "Your mid-section's still squishy. If it keeps getting bigger you might be able to use it as a weapon."

"Well, they don't call me Arsenal for nothing."

Lian stuck her tongue out at her dad's bad joke.

"Corny!"

Roy stuck his tongue out back at her.

"Annoying!"

"I'm annoying? Daddy, I worry that you might wind up with heart disease! Or diabetes! Or cholesterol!" Lian threw up her hands in exasperation.

"Cholesterol's not a disease, Lian." Roy corrected.

"It's not?"

"No, it's like calories or plaque."

"Eeewww!" Thinking about what it must look like made Lian grimace. Roy laughed a little.

"Why do you think I've been eating nothing but cheerios for breakfast for the last month?"

"You're cheap?"

"…" That earned Lian an empty stare.

"Well, I don't want you getting sick! And I also don't want you getting boobs before I do."

Now it was also Roy's turn to grimace. Although whether it was the idea of himself with boobs or his young daughter with them he did not clarify. Or want to.

"Oh I did NOT need that image in my head, Lian."

"Better in your head than on your chest, daddy. Or, you could participate in those wet t-shirt cont-"

"LALALALALALALALALA I am not listening LALALALALALALA I am not hearing this!" Roy covered his ears and sung out loud to drone his daughter's active, and at times disturbing, imagination.

"I'm sorry! Sorry!" Lian pleaded to get her father to stop.

"Lian you make me sound like one of those morbidly obese blobs whose only job is whining on talk shows. You're blowing this out of proportion. Have I had any trouble on patrol? Or fighting bad guys?"

"No…" Lian averted her gaze from him as she though about it.

"I worry plenty about my health, etai yazi. But a few extra pounds doesn't really bother me." It especially hadn't bothered Sooraya. No, what bothered her was when Roy jokingly hit on other women. "Especially when I can do this." Roy finished as he got off the couch and went "*HUNH*".

Roy struck a body builder pose to better show off his well-developed physique, despite his gut.

"Show-off." Lian scoffed.

"But thank you for caring. I'm lucky to have you watching out for me."

Lian accepted his thanks, but thought up a question.

"Okay, then let me ask you this: can you still see your feet?" She asked him.

"Wha? Of course I can!"

"Prove it." Lian smugly told him.

So, Roy basically looked down.

"Well?" Lian asked.

"I can see them just fine." Roy told her.

"Can you?" She quizzed.

"Well, I can see them well enough." They were just a bit obscured by his stomach. Just a bit, mind you.

"Touch your toes." Lian ordered. And he did. With ease.

"There, you see? Eas-"

RRIPPP!

Roy immediately stood back up straight and began blushing a shade of red deeper than his hair.

"Oh you're wearing the Green Arrow undies Uncle Dick got you for Christmas!" Lian told him.

"I am n-!"

Roy stopped short when he saw the ripped piece of paper in Lian's hands. She started to nervously laugh when her dad looked like he was going to sacrifice her on an altar.

"I was just trying to give some incentive to my wonderful daddy."

"You. Are. Not. Funny, Lian." Roy deadpanned.

POP.

When the button on his jeans.

The two of them simply stared at the button as it lie on the couch next to Lian.

"Okay, but THAT was." She finally spoke.

…

Meanwhile, Sooraya Qadir was nervously fretting about the laundry she had brought home.

"Oh dear. I have to call the Laundromat. Everything shrunk in the wash." She spoke, holding up a t-shirt that was three times smaller than previously. "I better tell Roy and Lian what happened."


End file.
